why does it seem like the only thing i every write on here is shit that happens? i haven't wrote anything in a long time... a lot of shit has happened since i last wrote anything... i got dumped, i slept with a much older guy who has a son, i started smoking, my grades have gone to hell, i drink a lot more, and today i did something really stupid... i took a piece of hot metal and melted my skin. i could never cut myself, but the feeling of melting flesh... at first you jump everytime the metal touches your skin, it's like your body doesn't get the message that you're doing this on purpose. your survival instincts kick in and your arm pulls away from the metal. but after awhile your brain finally clues in and you just hold the searing hot metal to your flesh. it's like a hot knife in butter. it just slides into your flesh and melts the skin together... now i have a lovely large blister on my wrist now. i had a major rash earlier that went up my arm and onto my hand. it was pretty sexy. fuck. i really am screwing my life up...


brings the song Hurt by Johnny Cash to mind...
"i hurt myself today to see if i still feel. i focus on the pain, the only thing that's real."